My Forbidden Desire Read online

  She looked at him. “He was going to kill me.”

  He adjusted the towel, but she wasn’t helping, and he was seeing more than he should. “I know, baby.” He touched her cheek, and she let him. So he kept doing it. Her skin was shockingly soft. “He didn’t have any choice. None of them do.”

  She leaned her face into his fingers. “That isn’t right,” she whispered.

  “No,” he said. Her eyes were big and wide, and Xia didn’t mind so much looking into them. He was actually kind of liking it. Physically, he wasn’t too far from changing, and there was magic and some pretty freaking raw lust flowing through him right now.

  “If it weren’t for you,” she said, “I’d be dead.”

  “Nah.” He stepped away. He had some things to take care of to make sure they didn’t get overrun again, and besides, he didn’t think she’d appreciate him putting his hands all over her, which is what he wanted to do right now. “I think you offed that one yourself.”

  Her gaze swept over him, and when she got back to his face after maybe a little longer than was safe for either of them, he cocked his head and shrugged. She held out the towel to him, and a bunch of stuff happened all in the space of a second or two.

  He looked. And jaysus, she was just gorgeous. He had wet dreams about women who looked like her. He said, “Fuck,” because he felt like a jackass for looking and getting off on it.

  Alexandrine looked down at herself, then turned bright red and said, “Oh.” She covered herself with the towel. “Well, that was embarrassing.”

  He tried a smile. “I guess we’re even, then.”

  “I guess so.” And she smiled back a little, and they were actually kind of okay. Amazing. He figured that wouldn’t last long, since they were on opposite sides of the species fence, but it was nice for now.

  “Look,” he said. “I need to clean up here, but I could use your help, if you don’t mind. Mostly to let me know if you feel them coming on again.” Hell must be covered in ice about now: He was actually asking a witch for help. “If you don’t mind.”

  “No, I don’t mind.”

  “Be with you in a minute, all right?” he asked. He answered her unspoken question by looking at the dead fiend. Gotta take care of the dead. She nodded and walked out, with him looking at her naked back all the way.

  Damn, he really, really wanted to get in her pants. And he really, really hoped his case of the hots for Alexandrine Marit came to a quick end. Because otherwise he was fucked.

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  Chapter 6

  Alexandrine walked out holding the damn towel across her chest, wigged out by Xia’s silence and his reason for remaining behind. She didn’t want to know anything about what was involved in getting rid of a body, so the faster she got out, the better. Her back itched the whole way from the kitchen to the living room: little icy-crawly fingers skittering up and down her spine. Other than that, she was numb.

  In her bedroom, the lights were still off, but gadget lights were back. Light from the street filtered down the hall through the front windows. One quick check showed the clock by her bed glowing 3:13. She dropped the towel and went to her dresser for a bra and a fresh shirt. Her shirt was ruined, in complete tatters. Oh, my God. She’d flashed Xia. More than a flash. She’d stood there like a dork, handing him the towel and giving him all day to look. To be fair, he hadn’t taken advantage or been an enormous jackass about it, but he’d definitely looked. No pretending he hadn’t.

  New shirt on and safely buttoned, she sat on the edge of her bed and bent over, holding her head in her hands. Xia the Jerk had gotten an eyeful of her, and he hadn’t been a jerk about it. Go figure. And then there was the attack and nearly getting killed. She was shaking, but she wasn’t feeling any emotion. That couldn’t last. The crash was coming; the only question was when.

  “Hey.”

  She jumped because she hadn’t heard Xia walking toward her room. Damn, that was creepy the way he could move without making any noise. The man—or whatever he was, and Alexandrine was now very sure he wasn’t a human male—made a very large darkened shape in her doorway. “Yes?”

  “I’m done.” She watched him put a hand up high on the doorjamb. And, yeah, still naked, and he still didn’t care. She couldn’t see much in the darkness, but she could see enough. After a bit of silence, he said, “I could use some help with the rest, if you don’t mind.”

  It was probably killing him to sound so nice. She shook her head. “All I want is a nice calm life where my biggest challenge is practicing magic that almost never works. That’s all. Really.”

  “Yeah, well, good luck with that.”

  He wasn’t looking at her like he was remembering her flashing him, which she appreciated a lot. “They’re going to come back, aren’t they?”

  “Sometime between now and dawn, I’d guess.”

  She pushed herself off her bed. “Rasmus Kessler doesn’t know who I am. He doesn’t know anything about me. I doubt he even remembers he gave me away.”

  “Number one, yes, he does. Number two, so what? He wants that talisman, and he’s coming after you for it, whether you’re Alexandrine Marit or Mother Theresa.”

  “Mother Theresa is dead.” She was cracking up. Totally losing it. Inside she was nothing but one huge hollow. Nothing left. Inside, she needed something to keep her from falling apart, but she couldn’t find a crutch to get her around this. She had a permanent sense of impending disaster that just wouldn’t go away. No matter what happened or what she did, apparently her life was in the toilet. Right now, though, she was stuck walking a high-wire without a net. “Okay. My dad the infamous mage Rasmus Kessler, who you hate worse than poison, who you hate probably more than even me, doesn’t care if I die as long as he gets my amulet.”

  “Talisman.”

  “Fine. Talisman.” She plopped back onto the bed and grabbed a handful of her comforter. “Heading for the hills sounds like a good idea about now. There’s a way to the garage from the garbage area. We can go out the back, and no one will know we even left.” Xia remained in the shadows, but she was seeing better now. He clenched and unclenched his fists. “I don’t have a car, but we can walk out the side door and get a cab or jump onto the bus.”

  “It’s not safe out there.”

  “And it’s safe here?”

  “Safer than if we’re outside,” he said. “I can control what happens in here. Outside…” From the doorway, he shook his head. “Not as easy.”

  What a thought, that there were magehelds out there just waiting to crunch on her bones and spit them out. In her head, Alexandrine imagined monsters squatting in alleys and doorways, salivating and rubbing misshapen hands over the prospect of catching her first. “What are we going to do, then?”

  “Do some cleanup and sit tight.”

  She looked at her clock. Three twenty-one in the morning. She was going to be a wreck when her alarm went off. If she lived that long. She hated feeling powerless. The fact that Xia believed he could handle this didn’t help her at all. No way was she going to rely on someone else to save her ass. Not happening.

  “Sit tight?” she said. This was stupid, talking to each other across the room. She let out a breath and walked to the door. She didn’t look. Much. He moved aside and followed her to the living room. She turned around and put her hand on her hips. “You think I don’t get that you’re hoping my father will show up and give you a chance to kill him. Well, get real, Xia, because one thing I’m not is stupid. You want to kill Rasmus Kessler, and you’re hoping I’m the bait that gets him here.”

  He wasn’t bothered in the least, was he? “Until it’s full-on daylight, it’s safer in here than out there.”

  “So,” she said calmly. Or tried to speak calmly, anyway. She was dimly aware that she did not sound calm. “You’re no different than Rasmus Kessler.”

  “Oh, yeah,” he said with a straight face. “Me and Rasmus. Practically twins.” He was surly because she was being
a bitch to him. She knew she was going off on him for no good reason, but she couldn’t stop herself. She was on overload and looking for a way, any way, to release the fear and tension of the last hours. Fighting with Xia was an easy, chicken-livered out.

  “You are,” she said. “Neither of you give a shit if I live or die. I take that back. I think if you slip up and I get killed, you’ll be doing the happy dance. Whoopsie there, Harsh. So sorry about your sister, may she rest in peace.”

  From where she stood, his eyes looked like they were glowing. Pretty unsettling, that. “I wouldn’t wish for you to rest in peace,” he said in a low, honey-spiced voice. “And I wouldn’t slip up, either.” He sneered. “If it weren’t for my promise to Nikodemus and Harsh, you’d be dead already, baby.”

  “Thanks so much for sharing the love.”

  He glared at her. His eyes were definitely glowing. “I keep my promises.”

  “Goody for you.” Inside, she was standing on the edge of a bottomless pit, about to fall over. “Why don’t you go do whatever the hell you want, and I’ll take care of saving my own skin. Really. I’m used to it.” Her voice rose. “I’ve been taking care of myself for a long time. I don’t need Harsh, and I don’t need you, so just get the hell out, the way you should have the first time I told you.”

  “I promised Nikodemus and your brother I’d keep you alive. It’s something I did tonight, in case you didn’t notice.”

  She knew that, but she was in self-destruct mode and unable to stop. Alexandrine stepped up to him. She was tall enough to look into his eyes without tilting her chin. Much. “Did you happen to mention your little conflict of interest to them?”

  “They know all about me and Rasmus.”

  “Fine.” She threw her hands up, but they were shaking so hard she was afraid he’d see and realize she was losing it. She wanted to strangle her brother for this. She really did. This was all his fault. All of it. Why hadn’t he stayed dead? “What’s your plan for keeping me alive, then? Let’s hear some brilliant strategy, because that thing that jumped me, it wanted to kill me.”

  Xia shrugged. “Whoever comes, I’ll take care of them.”

  “That’s it? That’s all you’ve got?” Now she wanted to strangle Xia. The lights were still off, but the streetlamp outside shone through the side windows and cast a yellowish glow on everything. She could see him just fine. He was standing, naked, with his arms crossed over a chest you could use for an anatomy lesson. “I feel safe and snug. There’s an unknown number of crazed magehelds out there who think my heart is their target for the night, and you’re just going to take care of them. Pardon me if I don’t get much comfort from that.”

  He made a noise low in his throat that sounded an awful lot like a growl and made the hair on the back of her neck stand up. “Quit arguing and listen up, why don’t you?”

  “Fine.” She glared at him. “I’m listening.”

  “I can take care of them when they get here.” He touched her cheek with the tip of a finger. “Seriously, Alexandrine. I can and will. You can trust me about that much. But since I can’t feel magehelds, it’d be nice to have some advance warning.” He waited a minute. “Stay close and tell me when you feel them coming, and we’ll be just fine.”

  Tension curled in her, choking her. “How am I supposed to know something like that? I mean, what if it doesn’t work? My magic. It doesn’t always, you know.”

  Xia shrugged. “I don’t know what you mages feel.” There was enough light for her to see his muscled chest and the quite noticeable bulge of his biceps, not that she was staring, and below his belly button, she noted he had an innie, a narrow dark line of hair descended south, and… No. Not looking. “You knew to get the hell away from the door before it blew.”

  “I’m not reliable that way.”

  He rolled his eyes. “All I’m asking is that you tell me when you feel the urge to book it out of here.”

  “Believe me,” she said. “I feel the urge right now.”

  He tensed, and it wasn’t just your average tension but a state that telegraphed his readiness to engage and fight. For her. She got another chill. This was the real deal, she thought, him flipping from standard pain in the ass to combat-ready in a blink. This just couldn’t be happening. “For real?”

  “No,” she said. Great. He was all business, and she was jerking him around. “I’m sorry.” She about choked on the words, but, damn, she owed them to him. “That was juvenile of me.” She stared at her feet. “I know this is serious. That was stupid. I shouldn’t have made light of it.”

  He was silent long enough to make her uncomfortable. At last he said, “I still need to proof this place. You on board with that?”

  “Proof my apartment.” She shook her head. “What does that mean, exactly?”

  “You really don’t know anything, do you?”

  He didn’t say that like he thought she was stupid. “No, actually, I don’t.”

  He didn’t answer right away. “Okay,” he said at last. “Proofing means I make a place or a room less prone to getting broken into by a mage or a mageheld. Using magic. There’s not time to make it much more than difficult for them to get in, but the sooner I get it done, the safer we’ll be.” He strode toward her, his knife gripped in one hand. She stared at his knife. Was the blade actually glowing? “Relax,” he said, rolling his eyes. “I’m not going to off you.”

  “I didn’t think you were.”

  “Then I’m losing my touch.” He was near enough now that pretty much nothing was lost to shadow. Oh, my Lord, the man is gorgeous. Flat-out gorgeously made. He put down his knife and crouched by his gym bag. She managed to look away instead of staring. He rummaged around inside until he extracted a pair of sweats. “Listen,” he said while he stuck one leg, then the other into his sweats. “By now, Rasmus, or whoever the hell sent those magehelds, knows someone is here protecting you, since his boys didn’t come back.” He checked the tie at his waist and didn’t do anything to it. “Next time, he’s going to send someone who can get the job done for him. More than one.” He bent for his knife. “We need to be prepared, witch, because when those guys come, it’s not going to be as easy for me to take care of them as it was this time.” His gaze seared her. “Now,” he said, “you going to watch my back while I proof this place or not?”

  Alexandrine nodded. He didn’t answer, but after a tense silence, he nodded and headed back to her room. She waited a beat before she called out, “Stay away from my underwear.”

  He was already down the hall. “If it’s pink, baby, I’m all over it.” But he was laughing, and it was actually kind of comforting to know they could joke at a time like this.

  While he was off doing whatever the hell he was doing, she walked to her bookcase and pulled out a box hidden in the back of one of the middle shelves. She was getting jittery again, probably from whatever Xia was doing in her room.

  She opened the box she’d taken out and removed a jagged metal blade lashed to a wooden handle. Both pieces were handmade. One of the felons she used to hang with had taught her how to make a shiv. Back in her wild days, this had kept her alive, and it would again if she had anything to say about it. She was not going to be caught unarmed around a mageheld again. No way.

  She sat on the couch with her legs pulled up and one arm around her shins. The tension in her started to fall away, and what was underneath was shaky as hell. She wrapped one hand around the smooth wooden handle that was just long enough to stay hidden in her palm. For months after she’d made it, she’d polished the wood until the surface was shiny and smooth. She rested her forehead on her knees. Every few seconds, her skin goose pimpled. Her stomach was cold and empty. And on top of that, any minute she expected to hear someone breaking in or maybe just have someone grab her from behind. That was just normal twitchiness, because waiting was a bitch. This wasn’t a premonition like the one that woke her up tonight or the one that made her throw herself away from the back stairway door.

&nb
sp; She remembered the mageheld falling on her, but what she remembered most after the feeling of pure ice down her spine was the smell of heat and sand and the rage that vibrated from her attacker. When he’d grabbed for her amulet, something inside her had snapped. She hadn’t just been fighting for her life. In fact, she was pretty sure she’d have traded her life to keep the amulet—the talisman, or whatever the hell it was. And that, she knew, was not a normal rational response for someone being attacked.

  Xia came down the hallway and into the living room, and she jumped about a foot and a half, because, once again, she hadn’t heard him coming. She tried to cover the reaction by standing up.

  “I did the bathroom, too,” he said. He came to the front of the sofa, and the first thing he did was stare at her shiv. “What’s that?”

  “Protection.” She didn’t have to hide what she was from Xia. No pretending. No leaving out big chunks of her past because she could hardly deal with it, let alone someone she was interested in dating. If finally occurred to her as a solid fact that she wasn’t looking at a human man. He’d said himself he had been mageheld. So, what did that make him? She knew the answer. A demon of some kind. The kind of creature mages thought were too dangerous to go free.

  “You make that yourself?” he asked.

  How the hell did you tell the difference between a demon and a normal man? He looked human to her.

  “Don’t worry. I know how to use it.” She cocked her head, daring him to make a crack. Her knife might be ugly, but the blade had saved her life and kept her out of trouble. More than once. “I’ve used this before. I can do it again.”

  His eyes settled on her with unnerving intensity. “Can I see?”

  “No.” Like she wanted his ridicule.

  “What’d you use for the blade?” Hell if he didn’t look genuinely interested. Not that she trusted him. No way. He was probably faking. Most men were when they wanted to sleep with you.

  “Scrap metal I found at a construction site.” Where found at might possibly be the same as stole from.